


We’re A Million Worlds Apart

by djqkkfg



Category: Hamilton - Miranda
Genre: Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Bisexual Alexander Hamilton, Bisexuality, Cutting, Gay, Gay John Laurens, Happy Ending, Heartbreak, I'm Bad At Summaries, M/M, Philip Hamilton is adopted, Sad, Sad Ending, Sad with a Happy Ending, Songfic (kind of), Suicide, Suicide Attempt
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-30
Updated: 2020-06-30
Packaged: 2021-03-05 01:21:10
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,005
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25006090
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/djqkkfg/pseuds/djqkkfg
Summary: I don't know how to explain this so just read it to find out, but it is my first time doing lams so lets see how it goes.Also this will be sad (like heartbreak and suicide kind of bad)(Inspired by the song 'When The Party's Over' by Billie Eilish)(7th story)
Relationships: Alexander Hamilton/Elizabeth "Eliza" Schuyler (minor), Alexander Hamilton/John Laurens, Gilbert du Motier Marquis de Lafayette/Hercules Mulligan (minor)
Comments: 3
Kudos: 15





	We’re A Million Worlds Apart

(Yes, it's a deh reference)

It was a normal day where Alex was typing crazy fast and John was typing.

The only sound you could here was the clicking of the keyboard.

It wasn't an awkward silence, it was more comforting than anything.

They have been best friends for years now, it was like nothing could break them apart. (*coughs nervously*)

They actually share an apartment at the moment and so did Laf and Herc who were next door.

But the thing is . . . they have a key to their room and usually they just barge in when they please.

Like right now.

John and Alex could both hear them try to open the door quietly and only leave it a little ajar.

Then Herc kicks the door open and yells, "HERCULES MULLIGAN!"

And honestly they weren't even surprised since they do this at least twice a week.

"Soon you'll have to pay for that." Alex says pointing to the hole in the wall that is about to form from the many times the door has hit it.

". . . Also, John, we got your mail for you." Herc says.

"Um, thanks?"

He opens the letter and finds four invitations to a party they're hosting and it is said he can bring some people.

"Who's it from?" Herc asks.

"It's from Peggy."

"Who's Peggy, is she your girlfriend?" Alex teases.

"Non, mon ami, John is a straight as a circ-"

John tackles Lafayette to the floor and starts laughing nervously and very loudly, "He was kidding! But no, she's not my girlfriend, we're just friends and she's lesbian anyways."

Alexander did come out as bisexual, but John just didn't have the will to come out as gay.

It was pretty hard since his father was . . . him.

Alexander snatches the letter off the floor and looks at the contents of the letter.

"So we're invited to a party?"

"Well yeah, but you guys don't have to come if you don't want to."

"I'll go." They all say simultaneously.

"Okay, the party's in a week, so be ready by then."

"Finally, we can get you guys out of the apartment. We barely hang anymore."

"We do get out of the apartment. We just take turn for who goes to the grocery store. Also, we can't "hang" without you and Laf making out."

~A Week Later~

It was more of a chill party so suits and ties weren't needed.

They arrived at the party.

It's been a few minutes and Laf and Herc are making out, Alex is talking with Angelica, and John and Peggy are talking about how he should confess to Alex.

"C'mon, you two are my otp!"

John sighs, "Maybe you're right, I-I'll confess today, as soon as I get the chance."

Eliza arrives to join John and Peggy's conversation after saying a few words to Angelica except she looked behind her and was frozen in shock.

Angelica was rushing towards he with Alex being dragged along.

She starts to introduce him to Eliza.

He kisses her hand and leads her off somewhere else.

John felt heartbroken, he could already feel the tears about to spill.

Peggy couldn't bare to look up at him.

"I'm so sorr-"

"No no, it's fine." He says walking slowly before going to a full on sprint towards an exit.

"W-wait!" He could hear Peggy yell from afar, but he could care less . . . he just need some air and some time to think.

He decided to walk back to the apartment since Herc was the only one who knew how to drive.

It was a long 34 minute walk throughout the night, but it gave him time to think.

He left Alex a voicemail that he'll call him when the party's over.

He collapsed on his bed looking at the ceiling not crying anymore and just spacing out.

He did this for 26 minutes.

He didn't even notice Alex opening the door.

"John, thank god. I couldn't find you anywhere! When did you leave?"

"I walked home." He says blankly.

"That's like a 30 minute walk!"

"34 minutes and 21 seconds."

"John, . . . are you okay?" Alex questions.

He finally snaps out of it.

"Oh, yeah, I'm fine, sorry. I was just spacing out." He says in a fake happy tone.

" . . . Okay?"

"Anyways, how was it with Eliza." He forces out.

"It was amazing, she's such a great girl, and I've only known her for a few minutes, but she's so kind and caring. I think she's the one."

'But I've known you for 4 years . . .' John thinks to himself.

"Congrats.".

They've been dating for 3 years and now that Alex has finally proposed he only has a year left with him in their apartment before the wedding.

A year has passed, but the only pleasurable thing that John had for the past year was cutting.

Alex didn't seem to notice since he was always with Eliza.

That didn't matter to John at the moment, that meant more time for cutting for him.

Next thing he knew he was crying with Angelica on their wedding night.

"But we're a million worlds apart." John finishes.

He was planning to just get drunk, but Peggy stopped him and now he's here.

"Mon ami, can you come over here for a second." Laf calls to John.

He sluggishly gets up and he's shoved into the bathroom with only him, Herc, and Laf.

"What do you guys want."

"You love him don't you."

"What are you talking about?"

"You know exactly what I'm talking about."

" . . . He's moving out tomorrow."

John starts to break down crying.

"It's not fair . . ." He whispers, "I loved him first!"

Laf comforts him as he tells them all the things that happened until he fell asleep.

They grab Alex and put them both in the back seat.

Alex noticed that John was asleep and thought of it as cute until he noticed the left over tears on his face.

"Did something happe-"

"Do you love him?"

"Of course I love him, he's my best friend."

"You know what I mean now answer the question."

"Yeah, . . . but he'll never love me back, he's straight after all."

"He told you a year ago that he was gay, but I guess you were to busy with Eliza to even realize and he's loved you way longer than you think. How does 8 years sound?"

Alexander was almost speechless.

"Well, I just married Eliza, I can't just marry her and then the day after file a divorce, her sisters will kill me."

"Well you'll just have to figure it out, but I don't think he's . . . how you say-right in the mind."

They arrive at the apartment put John on his bed and leave.

Leaving only John and Alex there.

John slowly starts to stir.

"Oh, hey John, you feeling any better?"

He just groans in response.

"Well hey, it's August 27, only two more months until you turn 28!" Alex says trying to lighten up the mood.

He doesn't answer since he's already fallen asleep again.

Alex sighs, "I love you . . ."

It's the next day and they've said their goodbyes.

"I'm on my own . . . I like it like that." John lies to himself.

He walks to the small kitchen to get something to eat, but he lost intrest quickly and slide against the wall breaking down again.

'I'm no good for him. You know too much already, don't you. My father was right . . . It's like I'm the villain now, Eliza is such a good person for him and I'm just selfish for wanting him to myself. Selfish. Selfish. Selfish.'

He writes on a piece of paper.

He then grabs a kitchen knife and starts to cut. 

Each one getting deeper

And deeper.

~Sad Ending~

He starts to feel consciousness slip away from him.

He hears the door open.

"Hey John, not sure if you're in here right now, but I left my favorite shirt in the kitchen, don't ask why."

John only smiles, at least he will be the last voice he hears.

He then heard Alex scream his name (not that way) in pure heartbreak.

"Why would you do this to yourse-"

He pulls him into a kiss.

They pull away.

"I love you."

"I need to call the paramedics!" He says pulling out his phone, but John slaps it out of his hands with what's left of his strength.

"It's already too late for me, but at least let me say my last words. I love you, Alexander Hamilton."

Alex was already crying, "I love you too."

John smiled knowing he could rest in peace, looked at the love of life on last time before closing his eyes.

Days later he discovers a letter from Laurens that he assumed that he wrote before his death.

Dearest, Alexander  
You know I'm no good for you  
I've learned to lose, but you always can't afford to

You remember that time I tore my shirt to stop you bleedin'  
But nothin' ever stops you leavin'

Don't you know too much already?  
I'll only hurt you if you let me  
Call me friend, but keep me closer.

But nothin' is better sometimes  
Once we've both said our goodbyes  
Let's just let it go  
Let me let you go

But I never could

I always lied to you and myself and said I like it like that.

But the truth is that I love you more than that copycat.  
-Laurens

~Happy Ending~

He starts to feel a little more tired than usual.

He hears the door open.

"Hey John, not sure if you're here right now, but I left my favorite shirt in the kitchen, don't ask why."

John only smiles, at least he will be the last voice he hears.

He then heard Alex scream his name (not that way) in a heartbroken tone.

"Why would you do this to yourse-"

He pulls him into a kiss.

They pull away.

"I love you."

"I need to call the paramedics!" He pulls out his phone and calls one.

He rips his favorite shirt in two to stop the bleeding that's coming from John's arms.

He guess it could be considered payback for when John took care of his bleeding when he fought Jefferson.

He then calls Herc and Laf because he can't leave his side so he doesn't close his eyes.

"I'm tired." He says quietly.

"You can't go to sleep right now," he says softly patting his cheek to keep him up.

Laf and Herc bust into the room with supplies.

They wrap the bandages arounds his arms to stop the heavy bleeding.

He finds a piece of paper in John's handwriting.

Dearest, Alexander  
If I didn't get the chance to say it I might as well write it. I love. I love you more than you ever thought.  
-Laurens

He feels a heavy weight on his chest.

In a few minutes the medics take John away.

It's been a month and 29 days (John's Birthday) since John's been in the hospital, but Alex was not willing to give up on him now.

The steady beep of the monitor always kept him on edge ever since the almost lost him last week.

He remembered that day clearly when all the doctors kicked him out and he though he would lose him again.

He hears a loud groan and races to where John lays checking if he was awake.

He started crying tears of joy.

He hugged him tightly like he would disappear if he let go and kept repeating "I love you" over and over again.

He hugged him back and said, "I love you too."

They shared a kiss.

"What about Eliza?"

"We got a divorce, she was understanding enough to let it happen and she loved someone else anyways."

"Happy Birthday." He says softly.

Years later they adopted a child and named him Philip.

He weirdly looked almost (sure) exactly like John, but Alex's additude definitely rubbed off on him and was also smart like him.

~The End~

**Author's Note:**

> So instead of sleeping I decided to make this at 12:06 am and finish at 5:02 am . . . lovely.
> 
> Also, Hamilton College AU anyone?


End file.
